Saturday, February 21, 2009

Reluctance

There is so much of me that I haven't shared. Even with my wife and the dwindling number of an already small amount of trustworthy friends.

The details of my upbringing... the absolute devastation of having what defined me, torn away... the discouraging cowardliness that led me to shun my two only other interests in life... the realization of a progressively deteriorating disease... the inept way I've dealt with what is said behind my back in theatre, MDA camp, and while coaching... the fear of everything keeping my last attempted stride at a life meaning out of reach.

My objective is not false modesty, acknowledgment, or pity. The last time I had written publicly, it turned into a medium to satisfy those that followed it. I was not able to express my emotions and events from an honest, un-sugarcoated perspective. However, keeping all of these thoughts and memories to myself is having me lash out at the one person I care more about than any other. I am not going to let anything disrupt the one thing I have to be proud of in my life... a successful marriage.

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